I recently made a major life change – I retired from the organization where I’ve been employed for nearly twenty-five years. Of course my final week saw the requisite retirement party, with the twist of having it over Zoom due to the pandemic. I am not one to like that sort of attention, but I also know these events are as much for the attendees as for the person leaving. I have appreciated a few of those opportunities to say farewell to a co-worker, so I was a good sport about it.

As I listened to all the requisite memories and tributes I was increasingly surprised at who spoke up and the themes of their comments. This was more than the “fun to work with”, “I remember this one time”, “a real hard worker”, “we’ll miss your smile” sorts of comments I’ve often heard at these events. To a person, the comments all revolved around leadership and mentoring. As I listened (and misted up more than once) a theme kept popping into my head – a lot of my leadership skills originated in lessons I’ve learned from the horses.

• Delight, who taught me that there is always a reason behind ‘bad’ behavior that usually requires empathy not punishment.  For her it was both fear and pain; for my staff it can be health or something going on at home.  Understanding this allows you to help rather than making the situation worse.
• Wicki, who taught me to just let them do their job.  We got along much better when I accepted that he didn’t need as much management as people instructed me to do.  He was a veteran who knew his job far better than I – I have led people who fit that description.  The best way to build trust is to respect their skills and knowledge, learn from it, and be there when support is needed.
• Ben, who taught me to fit the job to the individual.  It is not always a popular opinion, but not everyone is cut out to be an analyst, a teacher, a supervisor, etc.  I have watched managers create losing situations by trying to fit someone into a role that does not suit them.  Ben and I were much better off when I finally stopped trying to make him an Event horse.  He was much happier as a hunter/jumper, and that made it more enjoyable for me.  With adult humans some ‘soft skills’ cannot be taught.  Finding where someone can thrive, even if that means they need to move on, is the best support you can provide.
• Guy, who taught me that sometimes being firm is necessary.  He was a mustang raised by people who taught him (as a foal) to put his front hooves on their shoulders.  When I was asked to work with him, he’d been through a number of people trying to ‘tame’ him – from standard training methods to literally roping, throwing, and blindfolding him to get on. He tried his learned bullying tactics with me, which were met with firmness when safety warranted but otherwise ignored.  It took surprisingly little time for him to change his attitude, begin to treat me like a friend, and turn into an amazing youth horse.  I have had to push back on employees (in fact, even on my last day) – but I’ve reserved it for those situations where someone acts badly toward coworkers or refuses to take accountability for their own actions.  It is never easy or comfortable, but it is the only option for improving the situation.  I’ve watched those leaders who are afraid of a potential confrontation end up with team members who get worse and remain a frustration.

One theme that repeated throughout my farewell event was empathy. I truly believe that it is the most important element a leader can have. Whether you are a supervisor, a horse trainer, a parent, or a teacher, you are a leader. Few would argue that those last two roles require empathy – perhaps because we immediately think of a female in those roles – but I have seen a distinct lack of empathy in individuals in the former two roles. All of the worst leaders I’ve observed, whether of people or horses, have little to no empathy. It is not simply saying “I care”, it is actually being able to feel what the other individual might be going through. Without empathy you cannot listen and understand well enough to learn leadership lessons from horses.

Perhaps you can relate to the lessons I’ve learned, or maybe they’ll just spark an idea that will lead you to your own lessons. Either way, remember this last point: good leadership is about setting the other individual up for success. It is not about barking orders, keeping a tight lead, or punishing errors. Help them understand, guide them in a good direction, remove obstacles to failure, then give them independence to accomplish something. Errors will happen along the way, but they are only opportunities to identify gaps and learn lessons – for both of you! But the greatest rewards in life are those moments when someone you are guiding discovers just what they are capable of. May you have as many of those as I’ve had!